THE RAVEN'S STORY
Hey God, Can You Stop the Rain so I Can Get Off Noah's Stinky,
Smelly Boat
Okay, am I crazy, but birds don't swim.
They fly, right? That's what I told my wife Rita, but she says
to me, "There's this big cruise happening next week and all
the animals are going on it."
I was like, "Who cares about a cruise. We're ravens, Rita!
Ravens! We fly."
Rita looked at me with those big black eyes. She was so sad.
She said, "But the rules say no animal can go on the cruise
unless a husband or wife joins them."
I was trapped. I had to go.
We arrived at this big, huge boat in someone's
back yard. I'm thinking, what sailing experience does this guy
have? And why is he only taking animals? I had a bad feeling about
this.
So we got onboard, two-by-two, as instructed by the captain. Noah
was his name.
None of the other animals knew how long we would be gone, but
the offer to sail on a brand new luxury ship was too good to pass
up. For free too.
Birds like a good deal. That's why so many of them say, "Cheap,
cheap!"
We saw everyone we knew. Ralph and Rachel
Rhino. Pete and Pat Parrot. Gene and Greta Gazelle. Burt and Bonnie
Bison. Eddie and Ethel Elephant.
And of course…Darryl and Diana Dove. Of all the birds in
the all the world, they had to come on this trip. Why do I have
a problem with them?
Just look at them. They're so in love, singing these sweet songs
to each other. Tweet, tweet, tweet. Chirp, chirp, chirp. Always
happy. Always peaceful. Just perfect. Perfect feathers. Perfect
beak. Perfect, perfect, perfect.
Makes you want to cough up a worm.
As soon as the last animal couple got
onboard, the draw bridge came up and water fell from the sky.
Lots of it. Lots and lots of it.
It rained for minutes, then hours, then days.
It rained all the time. Around the clock. Twenty-four hours a
day.
Then, after one long week, our ship began to float as the water
rose over the land, covering everything as far as the bird-eye
could see. In fact, after three weeks, there was no land at all.
"This is one crazy cruise,"
I told Rita. "How did Noah know to build a ship and that
the rains were coming?"
"I heard it was God. God picked him to save us animals from
the flood."
That's nice we were safe and sound, but we were also bored.
Days went by. I was going crazy in my
room all day. Nothing to do. Nothing to see. Nothing, except listen
to those two happy, chirping doves next door. Chirp, chirp, chirp.
Tweet, tweet, tweet.
Not only was the waiting driving us crazy,
but something else. The smell.
Have you ever hung around an elephant…for a month…without
a bath…make that two elephants…and throw in a couple
rhinos, hippos and giraffes? You catch my drift? You should catch
their drift!
Whewwwww! Ppppppppppppp-Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! It began to stink!
Everyone was miserable. Even the hyenas weren't laughing. Only
you-know-who next door was happy and chirping.
I prayed to God. "Hey God, can you
stop the rain so I can get off Noah's stinky, smelly ship?"
God answered, "You're safe here, Raven."
"But why are you causing it to rain so much? And what about
all the people? There's only one human family onboard."
"The people were being mean to one another, so I wanted to
start over. I don't like it when people are mean to one another."
Me either. I always treated other animals with kindness and respect,
except, well, when they annoy me with their constant singing,
chirping, kissing and smooching with their perfect beaks!
Chirp, chirp, chirp! What is this, the Love Boat? I was so mad
at them, I forgot what God had just said to me.
So we waited. For forty days it rained,
then, just like that, it stopped. Again, everyone let out a grunt,
growl, squawk, bark or roar!
However, outside there was nothing but water. We were still stuck
inside Noah's stinky, smelly boat. Everyone was mad. But the doves
kept singing.
So we waited, for one hundred days more.
Then, we struck land. Everyone let out a grunt, growl, squawk,
bark or roar!
However, it was just a little, itty, bitty mountain top. We were
still stuck inside Noah's stinky, smelly boat until the water
went away. Everyone was mad. But the doves kept singing.
So we waited, for five months more! The
water slowly disappeared and the land slowly appeared, but we
could do nothing but sit around inside Noah's stinky, smelly boat.
Everyone was mad. But those doves, they just kept…SINGING
AND CHIRPING AND COOING AND KISSING AND SMOOCHING. I had it!
I flew into Noah's cabin.
"I'm sick and tired of all this waiting! I'm sick and tired
of this smell! I'm sick and tired of those doves!"
"You give me an idea, Raven." Noah stroked that beard.
"I'm going to send you out on a very important mission. Go
out and fly around and see if there's any land. Then let us know
what you find. Can you do it?"
"Yes sir!" I couldn't wait.
I was looking forward to getting away
for awhile. Some fresh air! Some peace and quiet! I spread my
wings and away I flew.
It felt good to fly again. I flapped and flapped and flapped,
rising higher and higher above the ship.
All around, as far as my bird eye could see, there was nothing
but water.
Suddenly I realized something. I was getting
tired. I needed to land. But no land!
I headed back to the ship. I looked around, trying to remember
where I was and where I came from. It all looked the same. Wet.
My wings started to tire. I was falling from the sky, closer to
the water. Did I mention that ravens don't swim? I think I did.
Getting back to Noah's Cruise Line never sounded sweeter. Home
sweet home. Home stinky sweet home.
Finally I saw the ship. I struggled and flapped, struggled and
flapped...
Plop! I crashed on the deck. Everyone
ran to me.
"Ricky!" Rita screamed. Every feather ached on my body.
"How long was I gone. Four or five hours," I asked her.
"Fifteen minutes."
"That's all?" Then I fell asleep.
I woke the next day, ready to take on
another trip for Noah.
When I arrived on the deck, everyone was there for the big-send
off. But not for me. For Darryl and Diana Dove. Noah asked them
to look for land.
Noah came over to me. "I didn't think you were feeling better,
so I asked the doves. They happily agreed."
I flew down to my cabin and slammed the door. I heard the cheers
as the doves took off. Those happy, chirping, perfect birds taking
my job away from me!
One hour passed. Then two. Three. I was
glad they weren't back. Maybe the doves got tired and had to crash
in the water. Maybe they couldn't swim either. Maybe now Noah
will ask me to take the next trip.
Darryl and Diana landed on the deck, looking fit, happy and not
a bit tired.
"We didn't see any land. But it should be any day now."
Everyone let out a grunt, growl, squawk, bark and roar! I flew
back down to my room and slammed the door.
Seven days later Noah sent Darryl and Diana out on another trip.
Again, I sat in my room as the crowd cheered on the deck.
Darryl and Diana came back five hours later that night. The crowd
let out a grunt, growl, squawk, bark and roar because this time
because Diana carried an olive leaf in her perfect beak.
"Land! There's land!" she cried.
I didn't get so excited. Why? Because I wanted to be the one that
found the land. Now those perfectly cooing and perfectly flying
doves found land.
Seven days later, Darryl and Diana made
another flight.
One hour passed. Then two, three, four, five.
The doves did not return. Good, I thought. Finally, some peace
and quiet.
Six, seven, eight, nine hours passed. This is great, I thought.
This trip has never been better.
Day turned to night. Night to morning. Morning to day.
No sign of the doves.
Then I started to do something I never
thought I would do.
I missed them.
Maybe they did crash. Maybe they were hurt. Maybe they drowned.
Now I felt terrible for being mad at them. They really weren't
so bad. That could have been me, I thought. I wasn't as good a
flyer as I thought. They were. They risked their lives so I wouldn't
have to.
One month later Noah opened up the ship
and lowered the bridge.
"Go," God said. "And have lots of children!"
Nobody grunted, growled, squawked, barked or roared as we walked,
slithered and flew out of the stinky, smelly place we called home
for the last year. Everyone thought about the doves and what they
had done for us.
I was going to miss the doves. I was even going to miss Noah's
boat.
Rita and I found a nice tree by the river.
Our family grew and grew and before we knew it, the kids were
grown and gone, leaving us with an empty nest.
About two years later, I thought I saw something in the sky.
It was a bird. A white bird. With an olive branch in his mouth.
I flew as hard as I could. It was Darryl.
"So good to see you," I said. "We thought we lost
you!"
"Oh we found a beautiful home overlooking the ocean. We couldn't
pass it up and needed to move in right away. Do you want to see
it?"
I couldn't think of anything nicer. After that, the Doves and
Ravens stayed good friends through rain and shine.
