Hey God, I've Got Some Guy Named Jonah Stuck in My Stomach and
I Think I'm Going to Throw Up: The Whale Tells His Side of the Story
By Troy Schmidt
Hey. I'm a whale. You know, the whale from
that famous story. No, not that story about the big, angry white
whale. And no, not that story about the big mean whale who swallows
a puppet and a cricket. The other story. Actually, the first story
about a whale.
Jonah. That's the one.
The tale has been around for many years
and told millions of times. People always talk about Jonah and
what he must have went through being trapped in some whale's stomach.
But what about me! How would you feel if you had some guy stuck
in your stomach for three days? Not easy, huh? And he didn't taste
very good either.
Let me tell you my side of the story.
One day I was swimming around, minding
my own business, eating my usual four thousand pounds of fish
a day, when all of a sudden, God speaks to me.
"Whale," He said. "I have a job for you to do.
I want you to swallow a human being. His name is Jonah."
I couldn't believe my tiny ears. "A human being? But they
live on the land." Land creatures taste awful. All that dirt
and dust. YEEECCCH.
God replied, "You have to trust me."
"I can't do it." I couldn't
believe I had told God no. My only thought was to get out of there.
So I swam. I swam as fast as I could. I swam as far away as I
could. I thought I would be safe once I got out of there.
At least, I thought…
All of sudden, GAAGGGKK!
Something got stuck in my throat. What was this? It wasn't a dolphin.
Much bigger. It wasn't a shark. I swallowed one of those before.
Talk about a sore throat!
No this was larger and it moved around a lot, kicking and screaming
and yelling.
And the taste! I've eaten blowfish and seaweed before, but this
was awful. It tasted like….tasted like…dirt…
So I went to the doctor. Dr. Crab.
"Hey doc, I don't feel well. I think it was something I ate."
"You eat everything you see and swallow everything in the
sea!" the crabby doctor told me.
"Can you at least take a look?"
Dr. Crab had me open my mouth.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
"Oh my," the doctor cried.
"What is it?"
"Oh my," the doctor sighed.
"What is it!"
"Oh my," the doctor replied. "You swallowed some
guy. He's in your stomach."
I had seen the humans before. They sailed
on their great ships which were bigger than me. They scared me
mainly because they were bad drivers.
One boat bumped into me and they didn't even stop to apologize.
Most fishes stop and at least say they're sorry for the little
fin-der bender. Not the humans. They think they own this planet.
"Can you get him out," I groaned,
my stomach feeling queasy.
"Nothing I can do. You just have to wait a day. It'll pass."
All day I felt horrible.
I couldn't swim very far. I couldn't talk very much.
And, get this, I couldn't eat a bite. Now for me, that's a big
deal.
How would you like it if you had some thing in your stomach tossing
and turning and kicking the walls of your tummy?
And the yelling! On top of everything else, I couldn't sleep because
of all the yelling.
All day and all night this guy kept screaming…
"God, it's me, Jonah!" (That's how I found out his name)
"God, get me out of here!"
"God, it stinks here!"
Hey, it wasn't easy for me either, but you didn't hear me complaining.
Well, maybe just a little.
But I could also hear Jonah do something
else. Pray.
At least he believed in God.
Now all animals, and I speak for the sea creatures, believe in
God. It's obvious He created all of us. You won't hear any argument
on that. So I was glad to know that these humans believed in God.
So I decided to pray too.
"Lord," I said, "I didn't
listen to you. I ran away from what you wanted me to do. I'm sorry."
"That's okay, whale. It will all work out," God spoke
to me.
"So can you get this stinky, smelly human being out of me?
I can't eat. I can't sleep. All day long I think I'm going to
puke!"
"I'm sorry, whale, I can't do that yet," God replied.
"Why not," I cried.
"You have to trust me."
And that was all God said.
The second day was not much better. Jonah
slowed down his kicking which was nice. I think he was getting
tired.
Word got out to the sea creatures about this human being inside
my stomach. Everyone wanted to see.
Everywhere I went, the dolphins asked, "Can we look inside?"
Schools of fish took field trips to see the man in my stomach.
Even the birds caught wind of the strange incident. "Open
up and say ahhhhhh!"
The other whales did not treat me so well
either. They began to tease me.
"You don't look so good. Something you ate?" they laughed.
"Either he's a blue whale or he's feeling sick, it's hard
to tell!" More laughter.
"Step back guys! He's gonna blow!" Lots more laughter.
Ha-ha-ha-ha. Very funny.
I wanted this guy out, but I remembered what God said.
"You have to trust me."
The third day was the worst. All night
I couldn't sleep. All day I couldn't think.
Inside, Jonah moved very little. I started to think he was, you
know…asleep.
I prayed again to God. "God, why did you put this guy in
my stomach? For three days I've been sick. I can't eat. I can't
sleep. I can't think."
God answered back very quietly. "Whale, I needed you to hold
him a little while until he was ready to follow me. You see, he
tried to run away. I asked him to do something and he ran away
as fast as he could."
"That sounds like me," I said.
"This man has a message for a group
of people I love, but he was afraid. For three days he was learning
to trust me, just as you were. When he gets out, he will tell
a message to thousands of people who will all follow me. And you
are a part of that plan."
"Me?"
"You are going to become one of the most famous whales in
history because of what you did. And all you had to do was trust
me."
I couldn't believe it. I was actually a part of God's plan. Me,
an ordinary five ton whale, helping God bring a message of hope
to people all over the world.
Suddenly my stomach ache didn't feel so
bad.
Suddenly my heart felt a little glad.
All I had to do was trust God.
"Now whale, it is time. I need you to swim somewhere fast.
Get this man to land as fast as you can!"
God told me the place and I knew it well.
I sped past Dr. Crab who tried to help.
I flew past the dolphins, schools of fish and birds who were curious
to see.
I blew by the whales who laughed at me.
I couldn't stop. I had a job to do for God.
Finally I arrived at the place God told me about.
"Okay whale, it's time."
All of a sudden my stomach really started
to hurt. It twisted. Turned. Gurgled. Gagged. I turned blue and
green and maybe even yellow.
I was going to blow!
BLLLLLLAHHHHHHHH!
Jonah came flying out of my stomach along with everything else
I had eaten that week. It was disgusting.
But I have to admit my aim was pretty good. He landed right on
the beach.
Jonah picked himself up and I saw him
for the first time. He didn't look so good, but he had a smile
on his face.
He brushed himself off and turned to me. "Thank you, whale.
Sorry I made you feel so bad. I learned a lot the past three days."
So did I, I thought.
Then he walked towards the place God asked him to go.
I later heard that Jonah obeyed God and
did great things. Many people came to know God and put their faith
in Him.
And I helped.
It wasn't easy, but it was worth it.
All I had to do was trust God.
From here on, I did whatever God asked…
And watched what I ate.
THE END
