Everyone had a name, but the names were too
many.
From country to country, the choices were plenty.
There were Eddies and Freddys and Teddys
and Bobs.
Vitos and Guidos and Titos and Toms.
Tracys and Stacys and Macys and Doras.
Hollys and Mollys and Lollys and Floras.
There were Bjorns and Ingas and Thors and
Danes
LaKeishas, Lashondas, LaTeshas, DeWaynes.
Diegos, Consuelos, Ramonas and Rose
Hiroshis, Kiyoshis, Mikas and Chos
Ivans and Ingas, Igors and Boris
Dieters and Dagmars, Daphnes and Doris
Shen and Shing and Chen and Lee.
Kamil, Jabril, and of course, Kiki Dee.
Nobody could remember the name of their pal.
Nobody could spell the name of their gal.
Nobody could pronounce the name of a neighbor.
Too many names required too much labor.
The world was drowning in a sea of names
So the leaders of the world put an end to this game.
"From now on," they said, "Our names will be same.
Everyone will be called either Bill or Jane."
At first everyone got very upset.
But it didn't take long for them to forget.
Suddenly everyone knew everyone else's name.
"We like this law," the world soon proclaimed.
"Do you remember me?" "Yes,
you are Bill.
Remembering your name is really quite a thrill."
And spelling names like McClaine St. Germain,
Were no longer a hassle, no longer a pain.
Every country could pronounce the names of
the others
Pretty soon they all felt as close as brothers.
Persian and Polish, Swedish and Japanese
Yiddish and Scottish, Turkish and Vietnamese
Everything was going fine 'til one day.
Bill called out for Bill and things went astray.
If you said the name Bill then every man turned around.
All the Bills responded, every one in town.
Nobody could tell one from the other.
Brothers couldn't tell their sisters from mothers.
Jane was the name of every girl in the house.
Every man's spouse, every woman who wore a blouse.
Even computers from Denmark to Brazil
Sent the wrong bills to the wrong Bills named Bill.
And Janes were told they were not the Janes they knew.
Lost jobs, wrong numbers, the problems just grew.
Then secretly some Bills started calling
themselves Billy.
Others preferred William, Will or Willy.
Still others added names to their name just to see.
Next thing you knew there were Billy Bobs and Billy Dees.
Janes became Jaynes, who became Jennys and
Jans
Then Janets, Janettes, Jeanines and Jo Ann.
Before you knew it there were Jinnys and Joans.
Janelles and Jonis in every time zone.
Soon bands of Billies were running from the
law.
Jennifers were protesting saying the system had flaws.
Wilhelms hid in tunnels deep underground.
Ginas stormed Washington 'til the President they found.
They wrote letters and cried, "We are
not the same!
Having just two names is far too plain.
We are all quite different, we're all quite unique!
We want our own names! It's variety we seek!"
"We want Jessicas, Jills, Julies and
Judys
Jolenes, Jasmines and heck even Jodis.
Bobbys and Beaus, Roberts and Robs.
We want guys named Abu and even a Tom."
Soon all the leaders got together and met.
They admitted their law posed a dangerous threat.
Even they confessed they didn't like Jane or Bill
And secretly named themselves Dan, Darla and DeVille.
Over time everything went back to normal.
Names went back to casual and formal.
Even crazier names seemed to be all the craze.
Names like Jabba-Dabba-Ding-Dong put everyone in a daze.
Years later when the argument over names
went away.
A couple of twins were born in Bombay.
All the names were taken, it was just insane.
So they simply called the children…Bill and Jane.
© Troy Schmidt, 2006
