ALIEN ANT FARM

Peering into the Alien Ant Farm
With Dryden Mitchell, Terry Corso, Tye Zamora
By Troy Schmidt

I saw that you guys watch a lot of television while you were kids. What better things could you have been doing with your time…Do I sound like your Dad right now?
Terry: When I was a kid I could have been helping my mom around the house, pick up and straighten. But I was a kid, so it’s not going to happen.
Dryden: I was constantly trying to pork my babysitter Pam. But she didn't give it to me until I was 18. But she finally did give it up.
Terry: She's got huge knockers.
Tye: I think I did everything perfectly. But I just ate too much candy and ate too much in general. But I practiced and I cleaned the house and did all that stuff. I did my homework.
Dryden: Did you wipe your butt front to back so you didn't get ***** ****?
Tye: Yeah.
Terry: Is this for the internet, by the way?
Actually I'm going to be showing it to my kids.
Dryden: Okay. Cool.
What TV show would you like to be stuck in?
Tye: Stuck in? “Threes Company” here…(pointing to Dryden)
Dryden: “Threes Company.”
Really? What would you be? The wacky neighbor?
Dryden: I think I'd be Crissy Snow's tampon.
That could be another name for a band.
Terry: Crissy Snow's tampon? That's good.
Dryden: No, I'd wanna be Larry. He was a jerk. He was pretty jerky enough.
Terry: I think I'd wanna be in “King of Queens” and I'd wanna be the horny repair guy that cameos as all the different repair guys. That's what I wanna do.
Tye: “The Wonder Years” cause I wanna hang out with Winnie Cooper.
Dryden: Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!
Terry: Yeah Winnie.
Dryden: I wanna change mine. I'm all stuck in “Threes Company.”
You covered the song "Smooth Criminal" by Michael Jackson. Are we thinking maybe a Lionel Richie song next?
Dryden: That would be rad.
Tye: It's definitely going to be something out of the ordinary though.
Terry: We've thought about Marvin Gaye Jr.
Dryden: Now that "Smooth Criminal" is covered now we have to try a little harder to do something people won't expect. Because people are going to expect obviously another Michael Jackson song, which won't be half bad. It'd be cool, but…
Tye: I think we would like to release a whole album of covers. You know, in between albums just too kinda be funny and stupid.
Terry: You know, if I had it my way we would…
Dryden: It's not going to be your way.
Tye: Or the highway.
Terry: We originally did "Smooth Operator," and then we….Would you just let me finish!
Dryden and Tye laugh.
Terry: …and then we did "Smooth Criminal." And to keep to the "smooth" tradition…
Dryden: That's my shot name "Smooth Operator." That's my shot name.
Terry: Yeah. And if I had it my way, the last song in the trilogy would be "Smooth Up In You" by the Bullet Boys.
Dryden: Just to finish all of the "smooth" songs.
Terry: I can't think of any other "smooth" songs.
Tye: "Smooth."
Dryden: By who?
Tye: "Smooth" by that guy from Matchbox 20 and…
Dryden: Oh no….Santana…
Tye: Santana.
Terry: No we're not doing that.
Dryden: No we can't do that.
Terry: The song that he stole from Ronnie James Dio? "Rainbow in the Dark?"
Tye: singing…"Like a Rainbow in the Darkkkkkk."
What kind of jobs did you have before the band?
Terry: I worked a desk job.
Tye: I went to school for music.
Tye: I think we all juggled our jobs and the band at the same time. We were all employed for a good amount of time, except for you (pointing to Dryden) You were the last one to have a job. But we were all losing our jobs surely but slowly, living on unemployment and then eventually we got signed right when all that unemployment stuff was happening.
Terry: It was so cool that you said 'surely but slowly.'
Dryden: You said it in flip.
Terry: You flipped it. That was so cool though, I liked it.
Dryden: It was like a ducktail.
Terry: I shouldn't even had brought it up. We could have left it and it would have been cool.
Tye: Slowly but surely. Shirley but Laverne.
Were you guys high school friends?
Tye: No.
Dryden: No.
Terry: Kinda in a way. Actually it's weird. Me and his brothers (pointing to Tye) went to junior high together and me and Mike jammed when he was still in or, well, when we were both supposed to be in high school.
Dryden: We basically met from the music scene in our area. Plain and simply the music scene introduced all of us to each other.
Terry: We were all in different bands. Me and Dryden's stepmom's work together. So that was kinda trippy too.
Dryden: Yeah, those sluts.
Terry: I think me and Dryden first met at an LMI function. LMI party.
Dryden: My parents owned a dating service.
Terry: Video dating service.
Dryden: So, (looking into the camera) I'm 5' 10". I like walks on the beach. I love…
Tye: Sips of the bubbly.
Dryden: I like jogging.
Tye: Champagne.
Terry: Cocktails and light conversation.
Dryden: I like that one Scorpion album…(holding forks to his eyes)…What is it?
Terry: “Blackout.” Yeah, and then they have a guy that’s like (in a southern accent) "Hi I'm Jent and I like rollerblading and horsebackriding." And then they put them together.
Dryden: Hey no one said, "Hey I’m Dryden and I like molesting. Hey if we can date for a few months I can get into your daughter's pants."
Tye: Hey you forgot to say for the show that you wanted to be stuck in—“Space Ghost Coast to Coast.”
Terry: Aw, yeah. I wish the band could be the house band of “Space Ghost Coast to Coast” for a week. Oh, that's the greatest show ever.
We are going to get serious here.
Terry: Uh oh.
What sort of themes and emotions were you exploring during that song.
Dryden: That was the song where music was pretty much close to being done and Tye had come up with uh…
Tye: Kind of a concept.
Dryden: Well he was singing, (Dryden sings) "Come inside Neal." Like come inside Neal. We were just throwing it around. I finally got his vocal pattern down and he was like 'why don't you make it about God?' for whatever reason. None of us are particularly religious and I just thought it was cool. Most everything I write is love song oriented. I thought it would break up the monotony and monogamy—ooohh…I thought it would be a good idea to make it about God and the first thing I thought was lyrically was to bash it. Its so easy to be like evangelist and blablabla—you know and Bible-pushers and all that. That I thought it's too easy. It'd be too easy to put it down, so I thought it would be better to embrace it and it came out to be a really cool song. I love it. Now I read the Bible everyday!…None of us are even religious. You know I don't believe in God or not. You know, I’m kinda in there, in that route. I envy people who have faith though and stuff.
Terry: Deep.
Dryden: It’s a weird subject because when it comes up I'm like 'Oh gosh!' Cause I don't want to be pushing Creed or those Christian bands. We are definitely not, you know.
Tye: See the thing was that we know there's a God now. When before didn't. We were watching a bunch of Christopher Walken movies and we decided that he is not man or animal.
Terry: Christopher Walken is God.
Tye: He is a Supreme Being. He is God.
Terry: A diety.
Tye: A diety.
Dryden: That's why he malfunctions while he speaks.
Tye: Yeah.
Dryden: He doesn't have our language down yet because he's from another place.
Tye: He's like 'I'll tell ya'…that’s about it.
Terry: These guys are so submersed in their thoughts on that song. I was submerged in was how am I going to rip off Andy Summers from the Police?
Tye: You know that was kinda funny because that was actually your third idea. Remember he had two other patterns.
Dryden: We were using one of my guitar riffs for that.
Terry: Well that's where the actual riff came from.
Tye: Oh.
Terry: It derived from that.
Tye: And then Terry started going –Eh—Eh. And he was like 'don't you think that's funny?' And we were like 'no we don't think its funny, we actually think its pretty cool.'
Terry: It's so funny too. I can remember driving to practice that day…
Dryden: Rox—anne (signing to the music playing in the background)
Terry:…and having two different variations on how I was going to do this guitar bit.
Tye: And it ended up, nothing like it.
Terry: And I ended up ******* listening to ******* "Roxanne" on the radio and I was all…(bobbing his head)
Tye: He was all…'I'll wait about an hour before I throw this riff in.' Terry: And the funny thing is, I was driving and I was looking around to see if anyone was watching me when I stole it.
Tye: (laughs)
Terry: In my head
That's a pretty cool song because you guys are exploring something else. It's not something you see normally. You're talking about a sign from God. What kind of sign from God would you have?
Dryden: Maybe like 'Will work for food' or 'ex-Vietnam Vet.' Can you see God in the median of the freeway 'ex-Vietnam Vet Any Help Would Be Greatly Appreciated. Even a Cigarette.' God's smokin' Parliament menthol. (in a funny voice) "Can you help me out, please." (singing) "Show me a sign"
Tye: (in a deep funny voice) I got a sign for ya "Will Work For Cigarettes."
Dryden: I got a sign right here (he gives the good ol' Hard Rock salute).
Actually I think Christ said, "If you given to the least of these, you've given that to me." So maybe if you do give to a poor person, in essense…
Dryden: I have many times tried to help people in lesser situations than mine, but it never seems to work out. "Hey man I'm really hungry." "Here's a sandwich." "Screw You."
Dryden: You try to give them food and they say "I’m really starving." You're like here's some humus and pita bread.
Tye: And they always have the greatest stories, "Oh my aunt and my five children. I’m getting a check tomorrow for $1300 but…"
Dryden: "My wife is right around the corner, man. Our car broke down. Dude, I’m in the army. I'll write you my address."
Terry: "Here look I've got credit cards." I think the funniest thing a bum, I mean a needy person said was when we were walking into a club…
Dryden: No, its a bum, dude. Say it.
Terry: And he rolled up on us and said, "If you give me five dollars, I'll tell you where you got your shoes. You got them on your feet, man. You got them on your feet."
Well if I break down on the side of the road, I hope you guys don't come along 'cause you guys won't help. Tell me about relationships. Why are they so freaky?
Tye: 'Cause this guy loves to be miserable (gesturing to Dryden).
Dryden: I’m happy, dude. I've been happy with my girlfriend for a while now.
Tye: Yeah, but we haven't written any songs, that's why. As soon as we start writing again—this guy is going to be miserable.
Terry: Buy a girlfriend.
Tye: She's going to be like "You're a stupid *****. Why you yelling at me?" "Alright, shut up." "Alright I don't want to be with you no more."
Dryden: It just comes out for lyrics. It's easiest to recall on relationships that got messed up. Whoever's fault it was. Probably most typically mine—in not just love relationships but with the parentals or siblings or whatever.
Terry: It's kinda a cool plane that everyone differently and commonly comes together on. Everybody reacts differently in their emotions and relationships but everyone has to deal with it. So its pretty common ground for most of us.
Dryden: Bottom line, whether I'm getting along or not, when I hear a love song on the radio, those are the ones that kinda hit the heart. I feel like if we can do to anyone, the way some music has hit me that'd be awesome.
Terry: You know when you hear a song, and it reminds you of a girl. That's an awesome thing. It’s almost like when you smell a weird smell and you recognize it and it takes you back.
Dryden: Like old rain on tar.
Terry: It takes you back to what you relate that too. I think that’s kinda cool how that happens.
Dryden: Kinda like this song by Aaron Lewis and Fred Durst. It reminds me of Mrs. Roper and I just like seeing her in that dress…
Terry: Mu-mu.
Dryden: I just picture her hiking that skirt up and seeing those varicose veins…
Tye: (in a funny, screeching voice) Stanley.
Terry: And just think about how happy she'd be if she knew she was going to get some. She always thinks she's going to get some. You see how excited she gets…(in a funny, screeching voice) Stanley. And then he's just all…
Terry and Tye shake their head making funny faces.
If life were like the movies, how would the story of this band end?
Dryden: Bloody murderous death.
Terry: Bus over the cliff.
Tye: How would this band end?
Terry: Fred Durst would come out of a limo in a mu-mu—but he's packing—it's like the Matrix dude. And he's shooting at us, bending back in slow motion. And then we all come together and we have these big flamingos, these big pink flamingos like the ones in our dressing room right now. We whip out these flamingos and we hold them together and we say some kind of chant—to be determined later—and then we are Power Rangers. But we are Ant Farm Rangers and our flamingos turn into different weapons and then Fred Durst…
Dryden: Wrap it up.
Terry:…he lifts up his mu-mu and Marilyn Manson jumps out, its like his weapon. He lifts his muu-mu and (makes a scary noise). And we battle and we conquer and that’s it. Roll credits…(slaps table).
That's good. So you got a thing about Fred, that we are trying to work out?
Terry: No, no, I just think he would look funny in a mu-mu.
Tye: I think it would end very nicely.
The name of the band just cracks me up.
Dryden: What's so funny about it?
Terry: Like our band is here to amuse you. Like we are clowns or something?
That's it.
Terry: No, what do you mean by funny?
Like hilarious…
Terry: Ah, I got him. Breaking your *****.
You had a whole picture of aliens living in an ant farm. What would they thought of this world right now? Looking in at the Earth, what would they think about us?
Terry: I think they would be all…(pretending to smoke a joint)…What a trip, dude. But in alien.
Dryden: Actually they'd be like…you know how forget to feed your pets and ****, like the teenage kid. Ethopia's all struggling and stuff, he's like 'Ah ****, I forgot to feed them.'
Terry: I forgot to feed quadrant 4-26K. (then makes funny clicks and beeps).
Dryden: Send choppers over there. No, our room is probably on some alien teenager's dresser. And he's screwing up it…earthquakes, he probably shut the underwear drawer too hard. Monsoons are probably him sneezing or…
Terry: Farting.
Dryden: Farting. Rain is…I don't know…What is rain?
Tye: Rain is when he cries. Its so sad.
Well maybe Christopher Walken is that alien…Have you thought about that?
Tye: (in Christopher Walken accent) No, Christopher Walken is not alien ant farm. He is a deity. Supreme Being. If you must. He's a God.
Terry: He'd be in our next video if he hadn't already danced for Fat Boy Slim. That's a bummer.
Tye: That's how our Alien Ant Farm would end…With Christopher Walken dancing and then start flying. That'd be it.
Terry: Christopher Walken joins us to battle Fred Durst in a mu-mu.
Tye: Yes. Terry: Mu-mu Durst.
Tye: Can you image Christopher Walken…Just like the mo-vies, we'll play out the last scene.
Dryden: You won't cry.
Tye: I won't cry.
Dryden: I guarantee.
Tye: I bet my money on it.
That impression is getting real close to Katherine Hepburn.
Everyone laughs.
Terry: We can't stand from mu-mu Durst.
Dryden: It's like, what's his name too from Star Trek.
Tye: Scotty?
Dryden: No. He does the Price Line commercials now.
Terry: Oh, Shatner.
Dryden: Yeah, William Shatner.
Tye: (as William Shatner) You're out of your Vulcan mind.
I don't know how I’m going to write this in text form. And make it funny—As Christopher Walken…
Tye: Just tons of pauses. Alien Ant Farm…Space…Space…Space.
Terry: Bump the interview down to CD Rom and have them insert it into the magazine. So then you could just take it and put into your computer. Alien Ant Farm CD Rom Interview Limited Edition.
Tye: Sold on Ebay.
Terry: I want a cut.

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