BARENAKED LADIES

The Barenaked Ladies Uncovered
By Troy Schmidt

HardRock.com: Who is your favorite Superfriend and why?
ED: I'm going to go with Batman. Batman is my favorite superhero.
Actually he has no extraordinary capabilities, other than the fact that he is grumpy. He has no superpowers whatsoever. He's just a physically fit vigilante. And I like that.
KEVIN: Aquaman. He makes good sushi.
TYLER: I'm going to go with Wonder Woman, because she's got a slammin' booty, lady. A slammin' booty.
STEVEN: I'll go with Wonder Woman, because her plane was invisible. It was a big plane and it was invisible. But she wasn't invisible.
TYLER: And she had a slammin' booty. Slammin'.
JIM: I'm goin' with the Wonder Twins, if I can. Because the Wonder Twins activate! Wonder Twin powers…
ALL: Activate!

HardRock.com: Do you think "It's All Been Done"? What would you still like to do?
STEVEN: I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony. I'd like to buy the world an ice-cold soda pop.
TYLER: One time, I'd like to make love to Gwyneth Paltrow…I'll tell you that much.
HardRock.com: You've been doing a lot of dancing in videos and concerts. How much training have you had and are ambulances on the scene?
ED: I think it's apparent from our dancing that we've had no training.
STEVEN: Except for my brief stint as Leroy, one of the kids on Fame. But I was an understudy for two episodes of the series.

HardRock.com: How did your friendship with Jason Priestley begin? Was it to make your way to Shannon Doherty?
TYLER: We met at the track. He put a lot of money down on a horse and lost and he was going to use the money to go on a date with Shannon Doherty.
HardRock.com: What's the craziest thing an ex-girlfriend has ever done to you?
TYLER: Kissed me.
KEVIN: One girl put a banana peel on my porch.
HardRock.com: What other band names were in the running?
ED: Here Comes Colonel Ernie. Here Comes Mr. Rockin'.
STEVEN: Your Dad's Favorite Sandwich.
ED: The Dog's Laundry.
TYLER: Gazpacho Christ.
ED: And Black Sabbath.

HardRock.com: What have you done with your college degrees?
STEVEN: Tyler's the only one with a college degree.
ED: I have not earned my college degree.
TYLER: I've framed it in a bad frame and it's been sitting in a closet for about eight years. I've auctioned mine off on eBay for $35.

HardRock.com: Ed, where were you Employee of the Month in July 1985?
ED: July 1985 I was Employee of the Month at Wendy's in Scarborough, Ontario, Canada. Worked my way, started makin' patties--when they made it fresh back in those days. Then I did grill, side cash, front cash, host, Employee of the Month…then I quit, while I was on top.
(Round of applause)

HardRock.com: What are you reading?
STEVEN: Right now I'm reading the back of the wall right there. C.C. Deville, Poison, 8-6-2000.
ED: I'm reading a very obscure novel right now that I hope more people get turned on to, about a young wizard named Harry Potter. Perhaps you've heard of him?
TYLER: Nope. I'm reading a collection of writings from Nerve magazine. It's an on-line sex magazine, called "Literate Smut." It's articles about sexuality.
STEVEN: I'm reading a novel by Michael Shabaum (All break out singing).
JIM: I'm reading a book by Oscar Wilde called Picture of Dorian Grey. KEVIN: One thing I'm reading--I've picked up--is The Beatles Anthology.
HardRock.com: How do you be a fun, party band and be taken seriously?
TYLER: Play with pants off. If you've got your pants off, you're a party band.
STEVEN: But castrate yourself and you'll be taken seriously.

HardRock.com: How do you keep from being compared to Weird Al Yankovic?
ED: You write your own songs.
STEVEN: As much as I love that Weird Al did a version of one of our songs…we write original music and we're not making fun of other things and other situations…Weird Al's like part of the cool, collegey thing. It's like the shallowest question I've ever heard.
HardRock.com: What was your favorite scene or line from Airplane?
TYLER: "I speak jive."
ED: I was just going to say that.
STEVEN: "Have you ever seen a grown man naked?" I like that.
TYLER: "Do you like gladiator movies?"
JIM: Or when the guy pulls the plug…
TYLER: "Just kidding." Yeah.
(Laughter)

HardRock.com: In "Never Do Anything," you talk about being king. What if you were God, what would you change about the world?
ED: I think if I could change one thing…(singing) "If I could change the world!" Did he ever say what he'd do in that song?
STEVEN: There are a lot of things that could stand changing in this world. One of them would see a more equitable distribution of the planet's wealth.
TYLER: I would make ordinary glasses x-ray specs.
STEVEN: I would make chicken smell like fish and fish smell like chicken. That would totally freak people out.
JIM: I would make everyone feel like a rock star.
KEVIN: I'd ban cell phones from taxicabs.

HardRock.com: How was it opening for Metallica? Can you say "target audience"?
TYLER: Target audience.
ED: Can you say "band with targets painted on them." You know, that show was still fun for me. We started the show with a whole lot of belligerent Metallica and Kid Rock fans giving us the finger and calling us faggots, and by the end of the show I think we won a lot of people over.
STEVEN: Kid Rock was crowd surfing during our set.
HardRock.com: Who was your favorite Canadian Prime Minister?
TYLER: Pierre Trudeau, because he gave the finger to people who called him faggot.
ED: He did give the finger to people.
TYLER: Pierre Trudeau, who died recently, is probably collectively all of our favorites. He redefined Canada during a time of intense growth for Canada—a very exciting time period between the late 60's and the early 80's.
ED: He was stylish and charismatic. Hip and…
STEVEN: Intelligent.
ED: And in the House of Commons he gave someone the finger and told them to **** off, and later said that he said "fuddle-duddle."
STEVEN: He was an intellectual and an academic writer…
TYLER: He was a true visionary and had a truly Canadian vision—something unique. Something we have not had since…I'm not sure.

HardRock.com: You've conquered Canada and now America. What country is next?
ED: We've been working really hard on the U.K. We have a lot of fans over there.
STEVE: We had a great time in Australia. Japan--I was thinking maybe we could steal some of the American colonies. The ones people forget—Samoa, Guam—maybe annex them for ourselves.

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